Tuesday, August 4, 2009

And so...here we are

After 5 months of grappling with the beast that is postpartum depression, I have decided to start a blog about my experience. For the first several weeks after Oscar was born, I attempted to thrust myself into life with two children. Play groups, music classes, play dates - I felt that as long as I kept myself busy, I was staving off the monster heading right for me. So, finally, I crashed - into a postpartum depression so dark at times that I didn't think I would ever see my way out of it. The walls were erecting and a panic was settling into my soul the likes of which I had never felt before. And while I'm crashing, I have two amazingly beautiful children who need me to take care of them and show them how to live in the world. Oy! This is not going to be easy. Motherhood is never easy, but throw in a mix of panic and depression and it's near to impossible at times.

Luckily, I sought professional help. I have an amazing therapist and I'm not afraid to quote her! I am tearing down walls, shattering mirrors, and opening myself up to new ways of living, thinking, breathing, being. I'm learning how to be a good enough mother.

Without professional help, the love and commitment of my husband (who also happens to be an excellent father), the unconditional support of my mother and sister, and the dedication of my friends, I COULD NOT get through this horrible illness. For now, the bad days are getting fewer and far between, though panic still settles into my being at times - which then creates a turn of the wheel toward depression. I intend to show you what living with postpartum depression is like and why it's so monstrously sad that so many women have postpartum depression and never get help. I also intend to show you that on my good days, life really is quite amazing...

And so, here we go...


  1. Leslie,
    What a courageous thing to do! Sharing your thoughts and experiences is also the healthiest thing you can do. We have to embrace the pain before we can be healed and then move on. Doesn't matter if it's PPD or whatever else plagues us. Love you, girl. Keep your eye on the goal of healing. Mary Ann Thomas

  2. Thank you MaryAnn! This blog has been swirling around in my head for a few weeks now and I felt it was time to actually create it. Thank you being so supportive.

  3. I'm really glad you are doing this, girl. Writing is intensely theraputic for me, and I hope it will be for you as well.

  4. Hugs and love to you. You and brave and strong.

  5. Leslie,
    Writing a blog about your experiences with PPD is so brave. I hope that your blog is able to reach women who can learn from your experiences and seek help for themselves. Good luck with your blog; I'm looking forward to reading more.

  6. You are so awesome and brave! I can't wait to share this with all the mamas I come in contact with. They will benefit from your courage!
    Good thing Spirit gave you wings *wink* Whole lot easier than running from something...liberation!
    Love and Blessings!! <3

  7. At times it is so much easier to tell deep personal things to complete strangers. There are no preconceived expectations or I told you so's. Good for you.